Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Sunday Salon ~ The Slump Continues


It has been a very long time since I have posted a Sunday Salon post. It has also been a very long time since I have had adequate reading time. I miss it...I am yearning for it...I am snappy and irritable because I haven't had it. Then, all of the snappiness and irritation turns inward....turns into depression...and I sleep. Lately, all I have been doing is sleeping...trying to avoid the here and now. Trying to avoid the problems with my mom being in the nursing facility. When I am awake, I think about it, worry about it. When I am asleep, nothing can touch me. When I wake up, the worries are still there, and I feel far from rested. When will this go away? How do I make it go away?

In the meantime, I am still receiving books in the mail that I desperately want to read, while I am struggling to read the ones that I already have. Ones that are ARCs that I NEED to get read to do reviews on. The more pressure I feel, the sleepier I get.


This seems to be a never-ending cycle that I can't seem to break out of, and have no idea how to do so. I feel like a whiny baby because I can't seem to handle the struggles of every day life...I am a weak person. Where I can I find the strength?


On top of everything else, I took my old cat Charlie to the vet yesterday for routine blood work to check his kidney and liver functions. His bloodwork numbers were great. However, the vet found something else. His bladder feels abnormally thick. The vet says it could be a tumor. Charlie is scheduled for an ultrasound next week. If it reveals a tumor, and the tumor is at the front part of the bladder, surgery is an option....but Charlie is old...an unknown age. He looked old when I adopted him 12 years ago, and he has already out-lived his nine lives. He would probably not survive the anesthesia. I am facing the reality today that I will probably have to say goodbye to another one of my babies. How much can a broken heart take?


My wish for today: I wish for peace from this turmoil that is roiling inside of me. I wish for strength so that I will not have to lie down at any point today to take a 3 hour nap. I wish for solitude at some point today, so that I may read a few chapters in my book undisturbed and unencumbered by thoughts of "whats for dinner?" "when are we going to the nursing home?" "we need to do laundry", etc etc, etc....





10 comments:

SmallWorld at Home said...

So understand! What works for me is to get outside whenever I feel the urge for one of those kinds of naps. Walking clears the head!

Mishel said...

Ah Missy. *big hug!!!* I know saying sorry isn't going to help, but I have to say it... I'm so sorry!

I know how you feel. I feel like a whiny baby too when I complain about things. Especially now...you have a lot on your plate, and compared to you I shouldn't even be upset about anything lol.

I know you're not really looking for words of encouragemnt and what not. But keep your head up. Try not to give in to the sleep that's calling to you. And I wish you the best of luck dear. Especially with your mom and your poor kitty.

another e-hug *hugsss*

Kathryn Magendie said...

Oh Missy- you sound so tired and sad...and When I found a feral cat on the mountain, I named him Charlie...he's now the vet's pet cat.

Our animal friends are such a part of our lives-hard to let them go, isn't it?

I understand the "sleepiness" thing, too --

Give yourself a hug and I'm sending you one thru the airwaves....

Table Talk said...

I'm not a cat person, but I know how I've felt when one of our dogs has reached the end of their lives. Take care and know that our thoughts are with you.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh! We lost Calvin to kidney failure and Hobbes to cancer, and it's tough when there's just nothing you can really do to help.

I'm a mix of the two most emotional personalities, so I can get depressed, too. Fortunately, I have The Source to keep me from wallering. (I love that word - never heard it until I moved to the South.)

Go through everything you 'need' to get done in a week and start eliminating a few things! I had to do this. I've done it several times! You'd be surprised at the the things that keep you from enjoying life that just aren't that necessary!

L. Diane Wolfe
www.circleoffriendsbooks.blogspot.com
www.spunkonastick.net
www.thecircleoffriends.net

Judi said...

That is my wish for you as well. Remember that you are not alone and to concentrate on the things you need to do to take care of yourself. Best to you, your mom, and your cat.

itsJUSTme-wendy said...

You are just going through sooo much stuff right now. No wonder you are sleeping, you are emotionally exhausted. You need to find a book that will perk you up.
I am so sorry to hear about your cat now. I am a cat person, as you can tell by my blog.
I will be praying for you, your mom, and your kitty!

Dar said...

Missy, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I tend to slump into depression as well when things are going badly. The only thing you can really do is find something to do to keep busy when all you want to do is lay down. I know that's easier said than done but it's what I do. I'm lucky when I feel down I can get an awful lot of reading done. It's really the only thing I can manage to do. Lots of hugs to you. Email if you need to.

Yvette Kelly said...

Oh Missy don't think of yourself as weak.You are handling so much right now.You are a great person and you WILL get through this,(with a little help from your blogger friends).I really really hope that everything gets better soon.I am missing the old Missy.I really do think of you often and do pray that you handle all this trouble and everything works out soon.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Missy said...

Thank you for all of your hugs! I feel so loved and that makes me feel better. :)

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