Life is Difficult (right now)

I have missed posting this week. With all that has been going on, it has proved to be not only a difficult week, but an emotional one as well.

I am grateful that was brother was here for a few days while my mom was in the hospital. She responds better to him. He also took care of a lot of phone calls that needed to be made. We began cleaning out mom's apartment...we have only scratched the surface there. We have planned for movers to come and take everything to a storage facility at the end of this month.

The sole purpose of my brother's visit was to talk to mom and prepare her for the inevitable...that she won't be going back to her apartment. She will be in the nursing home from here on out. Of course, we didn't get to have that discussion with her, due to her fall. She has been out of it most of the week. She was released from the hospital yesterday, and is now back at the nursing home to receive rehabilitation.

The other evening, my husband and I went over to the hospital to see her. She wouldn't talk, except to ask for cigarettes, and kept her head turned away from us. The nurses told me earlier in the day "Oh, your mom is doing much better today...she is talking more and is eating more." I flagged down one of the nurses in the hall and questioned her about mom being "more talkative" and how she wouldn't speak to us. The nurse said that mom told her that (and I quote) I (meaning me) could eat sh*& and die because I made her sell her house and move away and ruined her life. Hearing this...after all that I have done for her....not only made me angry, but made me so incredibly sad. I have had a feeling that she has been mad at me for a long time. And she has.

That explains the silent treatments and blank stares that I get from her when I visit her. That explains while cleaning out her apartment, I found gifts that I have given her, unopened, shoved in the back of her closet. I ordered flowers for her on Wednesday...I looked at dozens of arrangements before choosing a basket with plants and flowers in it...and a little birds nest in it. I picked it because I knew that she would enjoy it. No comment from her. No thank you. No acknowledgement. The flowers were pricey and I really couldn't afford do it. But I wanted to cheer her up.

I am angry and hurt. Why does she have to act this way? My brother and I have been trying to do what is best for her. If we had left her alone, she would still be living in West Virginia, not going to the doctor, drinking and smoking herself to death. I am not the type of person to let this stuff roll off of my back... and hear people say "She's just angry with herself, not you...." No. I don't buy it. I have made the decision to pull away from her a little. I will go see her once a week. If she asks for me, then I will visit more. What I will NOT do is subject myself to her angry stares and short one-word answers when I try to talk to her.

Am I being terrible?

Quick Note

My mom fell yesterday in the nursing home and broke her hip. She is having hip replacement surgery today. I just wanted to let everybody know, so you wouldn't think I was ignoring your comments. I noticed that I got quite a few yesterday, and quickly posted them without being able to read through them carefully. My mom will probably be in the hospital for 5-7 days, then will have to go to rehab somewhere, probably another skilled nursing facility. Thank goodness my brother is here from TN for a couple of days.
Everyone take care, and I will talk to you soon.

Mommy Come Back

My 74 year old mother has been "gone" ever since she had minor surgery on her back on July 17th of this year. Prior to the surgery, she had moments of confusion, but she still, for the most part, was herself.

Each day since then, she is slipping a little further away. I have heard that sometimes anesthesia causes dementia in older people and most of the time they come out of it. I have been waiting. And its not happening. The nursing facility where she is has told me that they don't think she will be "coming back" so to speak. Since she is there for rehabilitation only, plans are going to have to be made for when she is released...for her long term care. My brother and I have found a place for her close to my house. She will be well taken care of there.

Never in my life did I ever stop to think that I would have to deal with something like this. Or maybe I had thought of it, but pushed it to the back of my mind.

My mother and I have had our moments...when she lived with my husband and I for 7 months she almost drove me insane. She was so mean! I spent most of my time being angry with her.

Now when I go to visit her, she looks at me with confusion...like "who are you?". I think she eventually knows who I am...she doesn't call me by name. She has been calling my husband "Bill" who is a friend of my moms. My husband's name is Steve. He never corrects her, he just says "Good Night, Katie"...and she sings out "Good Night, Bill!" I always lean down and kiss her cheek and tell her I love her. She says "I love you too, Sweetie". Does she know me? I don't know. She sits in a wheelchair most of the time, usually out in the hall or at the nurses station. She has a distant look on her face. Mommy...where are you? Please don't go away yet....